How To Be Single

It seems like as time goes on, fads and trends change and those things which were popular even when I was a kid is now considered obsolete. Anything from movies, to music, to games, to clothing styles. But one thing seems to stay: having a girlfriend or boyfriend. It seems like dating someone isn't just to have a relationship, but to have some sort of "status". Singleness has become almost been labelled a curse in our culture. As I went through high school, it was always the focus of every lad and las to be going out with someone. Most people can't even understand the concept of remaining single or can't stand the fact that they are single. Afterall, doesn't Genesis tell us that it's not good for man to be alone? (Gen. 2:18)

I want to propose a concept that is foreign to most people. I want to propose the idea that singleness is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, Paul even tells us in the Bible that it is good to be single. Whenever I speak on this issue, I always have at least one person who disagrees or gets rubbed the wrong way and I believe that is because too many people want to date too badly. They want it too much and I think that is why we have a problem with it in our world. However, I don't want this post to be misinterpreted. First, I'm not saying dating (or courting) someone is bad. For Christians, this can be a hard area because our world presents a warped idea of dating. But having that relationship can be a great thing. Second, I don't want to leave the impression that everyone (and in particular, teenagers) have a bad view of dating or think singleness is bad. I have actually been seeing more and more youth realising that dating is not a necessity in high school.

The problem our world has with dating is a perverted concept of the purpose of dating. I won't go so much into that because it is a whole topic on it's own. But we seem to focus so much on dating and even as Christians, we want to learn the Biblical ways to go about dating. It seems like there are endless posts on Facebook about dating and relationships, but how many do we see on singleness?

I want to look at, what I think is, one of the best passages talking about singleness in 1 Chorinthians 7:25-38.

• Now concerning virgins I have no commandment of the Lord: yet I give my judgment, as one that hath obtained mercy of the Lord to be faithful. I suppose therefore that this is good for the present distress, I say, that it is good for a man so to be. Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. But this I say, brethren, the time is short: it remaineth, that both they that have wives be as though they had none; And they that weep, as though they wept not; and they that rejoice, as though they rejoiced not; and they that buy, as though they possessed not; And they that use this world, as not abusing it: for the fashion of this world passeth away. But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord: But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife. There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. But if any man think that he behaveth himself uncomely toward his virgin, if she pass the flower of her age, and need so require, let him do what he will, he sinneth not: let them marry. Nevertheless he that standeth stedfast in his heart, having no necessity, but hath power over his own will, and hath so decreed in his heart that he will keep his virgin, doeth well. So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better.

As I always do, I would like to break this verse down and examine everything it's telling us. Overall, this verse talks about singleness pertaining to primarily, but not exclusively, to young people. In this passage, Paul is essentially pouring out his heart of what he has learned and giving his wisdom. The theme of the whole is that it is good to remain single for Christ's sake.

I am going to examine this verse, but will also, like Paul, give you some of my wisdom and what I have learned over the past few years. I may be young, but I have a lot of experience in being single. In high school, I thought I had to always have a girlfriend and pretty well always had one. In college, I thought the same, but had a harder time with finding a girlfriend. Until recently, I was single for about 6 years and have learned a lot in those years.

One of the first points Paul makes that I want reveal is that being single opens you up to grow more and do more for God. Not that married people can't, but I agree with this passage. Whether you agree or not, having a significant other takes some of your time and energy. You think about them frequently, you do things with them, and put a lot of energy into getting to know the person and making them happy. In all of that, it can easily distract you. I noticed this in high school when my grades dropped. And that takes away from the purpose God has for singleness.

You see, God has a special purpose and mission for each of us for each stage of our lives. In your single stage, you have the opportunity to focus on growing in Christ and learning what God wants you to do, fulfilling his work. As Paul wrote this passage, he implies that he was single, doing God's work. If he would've had a wife, he might not have been able to travel to spread the gospel. His wife probably would've wanted to settle down, raise a family, have a house. Not to mention she would've been devistated with the amount of times he was in prison. My point is, he was able to 100% do God's work without having the distraction of a spouse. That's not to say having a spouse is a distraction, but realistically, you cannot put 100% of your effort into God's work when you also have to put effort into a spouse. Paul urges the single people to remain single and fulfill God's plan (the reason we are here anyways). But he does not discourage marraige as we see in the end of the passage.

The reason, I believe, for singlehood, is to discover what God wants you to do with your life. In Genesis, we are told that the wife is created to be a helpmeet to the husband. If the husband does not know what God wants him to do, how is the wife to know what she is to help the husband with? If you do not know what God wants you to do, you probably aren't ready for marraige. As I get older, I am at a good marraige age. But it seems the older you get, you more you see areas you need to grow in before you're ready to have a family.

Enjoy being single! God has different stages for our lives and has a plan. I can say that I don't want to be in a position where I'm trying to overstep God's tyming, which seems to be a real problem nowdays. Let things happen in God's time and don't rush into relationships. Take advantage of being single. Too many young people want to rush into having a relationship, but aren't ready for one. Ultimately, the purpose of dating or courting is to find a spouse. If you are in high school, or are not in a position to lead a family, what is the purpose of dating? Realistically, a high schooler (or middle schooler) or someone who is jobless is not in a position to have a family and really probably shouldn't be getting into dating yet. That's not to say you can't start exploring what God expects in relationships. But this stage in your life is intended to live for God and do things for God as a single. That is what  Paul is stressing.

For some people, that can be hard, I know. I was one of those. I was always depressed if I didn't have a girlfriend and would stoop low to get one. I was desperate in high school and college. But as I got older and started to realise that God has a plan for singleness, I became more content. When you are content as a single and serving God as a single, you will be content as a couple. When you are content as a couple, you won't try to rush the relationship beyond God's tyming. Most people try to find happiness in relationships, but that is not where happiness is found. It is found in being in God's service. When you are happily serving God, it doesn't matter where you are, you will be happy. Ultimately, the relationship is not about the two people, it is about God. When God is the centre of the relationship, the relationship is more successful. And that is what singleness is about! It's about growing close to God and making him the centre of your life. That also means you should find a boyfriend/girlfriend that has done the same thing.

I know that some people will disagree with me and that's OK. Just know that singleness is not a bad thing. As a single, I have travelled the world and gotten to do things and participate in hobbies that I probably wouldn't have been able to otherwise. As stated before, I'm not against dating, courtship, or marraige. God created relationships and wants us to have those relationships. But what I am saying is that if you are single, enjoy being single and don't rush into relationships just for the simple fact that you want a boyfriend or girlfriend. Use this tyme to grow in Christ and he will bring the right person to you.